Help for coming out – whether to & how

For those who identify as trans or are crossdressers, the questions of whether or not to come out to others, and to whom, how, and to what extent can be very hard to answer. This will often be all the more so, if these are questions you're trying to work through alone. For this reason, I offer a coming out counselling service, including an initially free-of-charge first session.

Checklist and worksheet to download

The following checklist and worksheet might also help if you are struggling with the question of coming out. While written with trans folk and crossdressers in mind, they should also be relevant for gay folk and anyone struggling about revealing any aspect of their sexuality. Simply click on the link to download:

Coming Out Checklist  (PDF) - General
Coming Out Consequences Worksheet  (PDF) - For thinking about specific people / groups you may come out to

There's no one-way or necessarily right or wrong answer to whether or not you should come out. This is ultimately something that we must each decide for ourselves. However, if you feel that talking these through with a sympathetic person, and in complete confidence, please do reach out to me. For those who may be considering transitioning, or altering their appearance in a way that will become obvious to others, the questions of how and when to come out to others may often be an important first step. For others, notably crossdressers, the first questions you may have in mind may be whether to come out at all, and if so, to whom. Whatever questions may be most relevant for you, talking these through may help reassure you and clarify your thinking.

I don't claim specialised expertise, that you will reach the right answer or anticipate what may happen, but do believe that you should be able to form a clearer view of what you may do, and minimise the risk of jumping in without care. I will not offer recommendations, and of course, won't try to prompt your thinking in one direction or another, simply to help you find your way in navigating these often difficult questions.

I am both a trained coach and spiritual counsellor, and of course, have been down the road of asking these same questions myself. I say a little more about my background below.

About me

My qualifications for counselling

My qualifications and training for this role are strongly grounded in my seminary training, which put heavy emphasis on the skills, ethics and attitudes for counselling. I also have a coaching background, and received extensive training in this field, as well as being a member of several professional bodies. I submit to regular supervision and am committed to a strict Code of Ethics and Code of Conduct for protecting clients'

I usually offer counselling via Zoom or Whereby, which most people find no less effective than a face-to-face conversation.

Find out more about my background and beliefs.

Free session and further session option

If you think that counselling might be for you, email me to get in touch.

I will then suggest a free-of-charge call and we can set a time for this. This will give you a sense of what counselling is about and so whether it may be appropriate to arrange further calls (in some cases, just one call may at any rate be sufficient).

An initial meeting may be face-to-face, phone, or, more commonly, over Whereby or Zoom.

I always suggest that, for the protection of my clients, we formalise all counselling relationships by means of an agreement. As much as anything, this lays out my commitments in writing. The agreement format that I suggest can be downloaded from here This can be easily revised if appropriate. My current standard fee for counselling is £65 per hour (also possible to pay in your preferred currency via PayPal). I do offer concessions for those on low or no income. The first session of 1 hour is free of charge, and should allow you space to talk out how you're feeling and have some insights into your instincts to disclose more. Following this, you may feel you want to arrange one or more sessions, but there's absolutely no obligation to do this.

Please contact me

Please get in touch to find out more or to discuss how I might possibly be able to help you.

Clive Johnson
Email:   clive@clivejohnsonministry.com