Downloads: Sexuality and Gender

The following checklists, worksheets and infographs support videos posted on my YouTube channel.

Simply click on the link to download:

Coming Out Checklist  (PDF) - For weighing up whether, to who and how to come out
Coming Out Consequences Worksheet  (PDF) - For thinking about specific people / groups you may come out to
Trans Dimensions Questionnaire  (PDF) - For exploring dimensions of your gender, sexuality and subconscious sex
The Sexual You Infographic  (PDF) - For exploring your sexuality (see below)

I don't claim specialised expertise in preparing these, nor that you may relate to all of their contents, or that they are fully accurate or comprehensive. Please use your discretion in using these.

Notes - The Sexual You Infographic

The Sexual You Infographic is intended to offer prompts for reflection that may help you understand different aspects of your sexuality. Some of these may be easy to identify. Others relate to concepts that may not be very familiar that you may wish to explore and reflect upon in a considered way (e.g. the idea that we have a subconscious sex). As such, the graphic isn't intended to be used as a quick-look checklist that pops out an answer, but as a support for a considered exploration of sexuality. Use it in whatever way best feels right for you, and substituting whatever terms are most meaningful for you.

Please note that the grouping "binaries" mentioned in my intro video has now been renamed "contrasts." Some other additions and revisions have been made since the time the video was made, including updates based on feedback from others. The inforgraphic doesn't claim to be complete or perfect, so is likely to be updated from time to time. Please note too that some of the terms used in infographic are shorthand and won't be widely recognised by many. Specifically:

Bisex - refers to someone who comfortably embodies both male and female genitalia and does not desire to transition to male or female. This is usually quite distinct from both those who are born intersex and who have not received hormones or surgery to present as either male or female, and from pre-op transmen and transwomen who have chosen not to undergo full sex reassignment, but wish to present and live according to the gender they identify with.

Recreational - Refers to someone whose gender-focused activity isn't normally if at all associated with an erotic need (i.e. sexual arousal) and which may or may not involve fantasising about being, behaving or appearing as one's target (a crossdreamer). This doesn't normally mean recreation as in the sense of a leisure-time hobby or sport (although it may be described this way by some). Rather, it is an activity such as non-fetishic crossdressing that is usually undertaken to bring comfort and allow for an expression of self.

Also, the following terms may be unfamiliar to many:

Automonosexual - Refers to someone who is sexually aroused only toward themselves.

Cupiosexual - Refers to someone who doesn't "experience sexual attraction but still desire to be in a sexual relationship or engage in sexual behaviour" (from the Transgender, Nonbinary and Queer Glossary).

Subconscious sex refers to "an unconscious and inexplicable self-understanding regarding what sex one belongs to or should be," as defined in Julia Serano's book Whipping Girl. Amazon.com listing.

Systemizer and Empathizer are terms coined by the eminent Autism specialist Simon Baron-Cohen to distinguish common characteristics of male and female brains, whether they result from socialisation and life experiences, or are innate. Systemizers display ordered, logic and analytical thinking and predominate among males, including most who are on the autistic spectrum. Empathizers relate to others more intuitively and are adept at reading non-verbal communication cues. See Autism: The Empathizing-Systemizing (E-S) Theory (PDF file) for more information. Find out your tendency to Systemize or Emapthize at https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/EQSQ.php. From The Essential Difference by Simon Baron-Cohen. Amazon.com listing.

Most other terms are intended as they are defined in the Transgender, Nonbinary and Queer Glossary at crossdreamers.com, and in a fuller version in Jack Molay's book A Creative Crossdreamer Vocabulary: Reflections on Transgender. Amazon.com listing. The Glossary defines crossdreaming as a term "describing the way gender variant people may dream or fantasize about being ones target" (see the Glossary for a fuller definition).

The Glossary also includes orientations and identities that aren't specifically mentioned in the Infographic, e.g. Demigirl: " A non-binary gender identity where one assigned female at birth feels only a very weak connection with 'woman' or someone assigned male at birth who feels a vague association with female, but not one strong enough to identity completely as 'woman.' "

Intersex is included as an adjunct to the infographic, since some folk born intersex may have been socialised in a way that leaves them with gender dysphoria. However, others who were born intersex will likely not see themselves as being on any trans spectrum, and being born intersex should be distinguished as being distinct from being trans.

Note that the sexual orientations shown in the infographic are not exhaustive. Orientation considers not only the target for sex (who you wish to engage with), but also the nature of the encounter desired. This may or may not involve a desire for sexual intercourse (in many non-binary sexual encounters, it may primarily be a tactile engagement that is sought). It may also include an imagined encounter rather than one that's immediately possible (e.g. a pre-op trans woman may desire full intercourse with a man). It may also be fluid.

The Sexual You Infographic is introduced in my YouTube video Trans Normal? Figuring Out WHAT GENDER YOU ARE Anyway

My video SUBCONSCIOUS SEX And Why It Matters introduces the concept of subconscious sex, and The SEXUAL EXCITEMENT SURVEY and INSIGHTS About Gender introduces the importance of peak sexual experiences and fantasies, and how these may fit in this with understanding gender dysphoria. This is based on the theory of Jack Morin, described in his book The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment Amazon.com listing.